The end is nigh! Maybe

Ready for the end?

Not of the work week, the NBA playoffs or winter. We mean the end of everything, including “Dancing with the Stars.”

Which means the End Times will have an upside. But back to the main point of this post.

Harold Camping, an 89-year-old “biblical scholar” and Christian radio broadcaster from California, has done some mathematical calculations and determined that the Rapture will happen on Saturday, May 21.

Of course. It’s like a cold; you always get them on the weekend.

Anyway, Camping said he has been studying the Bible for 70 years and has the end of the story all figured out. On Saturday, the Rapture will occur and people who are saved will ascend to Heaven, Camping said.

The rest of us — sinners, criminals, liars, “Dancing with the Stars” contestants, most politicians and virtually every working journalist — will be left behind, just like in those Kirk Cameron movies.

We will be doomed to five months of fiery torment until the world ends on Oct. 21, which means there’s no sense stocking up on Halloween candy.

We will keep an eye out for bodies flying to Heaven on Saturday and will report back one way or the other, since there’s little doubt we will still be here come Sunday.

For more on Camping, here’s his Wikipedia bio:

By the way, an aethist group is offering to adopt and care for animals left behind when their masters head to Heaven on Saturday. For more on that group, go to